Reverse Culture Shocking...

With 'I love New York' on TV tonight I am becoming a bit nostalgic and am reminded that I have been meaning to write about the holidays back in Germany after almost 9 months in my lovely new home. Don't misunderstand me - it's been great to see everyone and I am really enjoying the company. But at the same time I can't help but notice little changes in my attitude towards some things, behaviors and opinions in this country, my home country. When you are living in a country you start taking in different views and adapting to the cultural norms prevailing in that space. When I first arrived at the airport in Munich I had to pass by the lost and found in order to pick up my scarf which I had left at the security (why on earth do you have to pass three different security checks in  order to board the plane anyway- you are bound to forget something in that mess) and I have to say, the airport in Munich has the most efficient lost & found office I have ever seen. I emailed them the day after I flew and they replied within minutes that they had my scarf and I could pick it up any time over the next 6 months. When I didn't know where their office was located I stopped at the Deutsche Bahn counter just politely asking whether they knew where it was - and this was my first shock - got the rudest answer I have gotten to such a simple question in months. The guy just did not want to help and I'm sure he wasn't even aware how rude he came across and felt nothing was wrong with his brief: 'No, get lost' - so, yeah, welcome to no customer service I guess... Fortunately not everyone acts that way - but waiters, cab drivers and other costumer facing functions are simply not as friendly here. I remember after my high school year in Oklahoma, I was shocked how people would bump into you in shops and not even apologize. Instead I kept apologizing just because I was so embarrassed for them. What I find interesting is a simple observation - when getting on and off the elevator at work, men always let you pass in the US while noone would even acknowledge that you are trying to get into an elevator here, let alone letting you pass first. When traveling on the train over the holidays I saw so many people even trying to enter a train before the people getting off had gotten a chance to exit properly. 

Another interesting observation which is probably less cultural than due to human nature is the reporting in the media on topics such as the fiscal cliff and the European debt crisis. Germany is currently making it seem as if the entire US will be bankrupted by the fiscal cliff and at the same time American media were dwelling on the Eurocrisis so much that I started doubting the security of my German bank account altogether. I guess finger pointing is always a little easier than admitting mistakes in ones own realm. 

One of the areas where I think Germany could well learn from the US is the gender equality and the possibility of combining work and having kids. Germany recently released some new figures, proving once more that the country is not able to get past its antiquated attitude of women having to make the sacrifices when deciding to have kids. There are more women staying at home with their kids than in any other country, the gap between how much a woman in the same job as a man earns is still large and there are still too few women in responsible management positions, let along supervisory or management board positions. You can't help but ask yourself why this is? Talking to a friend today who spent some time in France, you don't even have to look across the pond but we could very well learn from our next door neighbors where it is not even a question whether a woman returns to work after giving birth (and not after three years but rather three months). In my opinion part of it is the notion of 'Rabenmutter', an expression that doesn't even exist in other languages. So for many (and shockingly not only the ultra-conservatives), a mother is not a good mother if she decides to have her child in daycare during her working hours - or even if people don't say it that way, they express the belief that most women will not want to work anymore as they want to spend more time with their kids. First of all, I think this should be a personal decision and secondly I think it's not fair to only leave that decision up to the woman but rather the couple should have to decide together and the guy should be able to cut down as well - and by that I mean not just taking a longer holiday for a few weeks after going back to normal. 

Now, I am curious to talk about this to my American colleagues but I am pretty sure that some of these attitudes will be completely foreign to them. It is not really a question for most people in the city but financial reality forces you as a family to rely on two incomes and I don't think that is a bad thing. From the point of view of the woman - at least she remains independent and will be able to continue her career while combining it with having a family. I am shocked how backwards our thinking in this respect continues to be and don't understand why it is so hard to just thinking of the best for the child - two happily working parents who can provide for him or her and have time to spend with the kid in the later afternoon and evening after he or she has spent a day hanging with other kids.

It's fascinating to me how some issues are such 'non-issues' in one country but highly debated and controversial in others. When I'm back in the States I am going to look more closely at gun control for one, maybe abortion could be another. It is difficult for Europeans to fully comprehend how these issues are so critical in America and I am sure Americans also find it difficult to understand why family policy with the dimensions discussed above is so important in Germany...