Making space

It's been over four weeks now and it's just amazing to see how the little one is growing and discovering the world day by day. A week used to feel like nothing but now there is so much happening in a week that I am struggling to keep up. I've been meaning to set up a diary for the baby so we can show him what he started doing when and just to share some thoughts and funny moments but so far, I simply didn't get to it. Now, here's the thing - I could never understand how stay-home mums would say they didn't manage to do something - just because I assumed there is so much time in their days. Now I'm finding out that there is hardly any time in my day that I have to myself - because of the lack of sleep at night, technically I should use every minute he's asleep to catch up on my own sleep but that is just wishful thinking because you actually need to do some things like laundry, emptying the dishwasher or taking down the trash (particularly in light of all the diapers that tend to accumulate throughout the day). One thing that I have definitely underestimated was the stress that new parents are under and how exhausting taking care of a little baby could be.

I have committed to a 40-day Adhi Shakti meditation practice but am having a hard time squeezing in those 11 minutes every day and there have been occasions where I needed to combine my meditation practice with breastfeeding the little one. In spite of cheating a little I feel like this small refuge is helping me manage to stay sane. Really it's not so much the lack of sleep but the lack of UNINTERRUPTED sleep that I am struggling with- waking up every 2 hours during the night can be quite painful but then you look at the little miracle and feel like it's all worth it. You start reading his face, recognising the different noises he makes and are simply in awe of how fast things are happening and at the same time how little makes him happy... I truly believe that babies choose their parents and are trying to teach them something - in our case we have already observed that there are many things that we try to make him do that he either simply refuses to do or decides to do them differently and rightly so - he's the boss now after all. Often times we try to rationalise and explain things in our grown-up manner when in fact they might just be intuitive. I have learned so much about trusting nature simply through the process of learning how to breastfeed - it's amazing. The hardest part for me has been (and continues to be) to let go of expectations and instead let things happen and at the same time, learn to ignore other people's realities and their comments and opinions - because there are just too many out there and it's not possible to listen to them all.

Learning to tune into yourself and find your own truth is where I am still having a hard time at times - so I'm on the yogic path even without practicing asana at this point. Practicing non-attachment becomes even harder when you have this crazy little bundle to take care of - to which you are growing more and more attached by the minute. Yet, it is important to remember that this is a gift and we cannot be grateful enough for being allowed to take care of this gift, yet we should be careful not to take it for granted and at the same time it is also very important to take care of ourselves to be able to nurture this little being in the future. So I need to make space for meditation and other practices to be able to fulfil the demands of motherhood of which there are a few as I am learning every day now.