My Kundalini teacher training has been progressing - we started having monthly weekends since January and just like the first one, each and every one of them has been very demanding and challenging. Not so much with regards to the physical exercise part of it but rather because of the hours and the intensity of the energy. After a first get-together on Friday, we start at 5.30 AM both on Saturday and Sunday and Saturday is especially long as the day doesn't finish till 9.30-10 PM and you basically just crash and fall asleep the minute you are back in your room. It's been a process and every weekend I attended I have been thinking about skipping the Sadhana part (the morning session from about 5.30 -8.15 AM) which includes a looooong meditation towards the end but there was something telling me around 5AM that it was good for me to get up and participate. I could still not see myself doing this every day as some dedicated Kundalini students do - whether on their own in their homes or in a group, at a studio but it does feel good to be part of that experience during the teacher training. A certain amount of exhaustion and fatigue also gets you to a point where you think of things and find aspects that you might otherwise ignore. And it's got to be said that each and every Kundalini class includes a long, deep relaxation during which I usually never fall asleep but ALWAYS manage to fall asleep during at the training weekends. In terms of contents, I am starting to better understand where this type of yoga philosophy comes from and in many ways it's not that different from other styles of yoga. What I like about it that it actually is a lot more accepting than I thought at the beginning. In contrast to some Hatha yoga styles which aim at withdrawing from regular life, Kundalini actually aims at supporting and complementing our regular life styles.
Something I am still not 100% convinced of is the personal cult around Yogi Bhajan, the founder of this style. Yet, the more I read and hear about him, the more intrigued I am. He seems to have been a controversial but very inspiring person who certainly showed no hesitation to follow his calling to bring yoga to the west. While I still believe that there is no harm in mixing different styles of yoga, I am beginning to understand that there is something about the sets, the so-called 'kriyas' in Kundalini that have an energetic effect. For the first time I managed to do a 40-day kriya - it basically meant that you follow the same routine every day for 40 consecutive days. The kriya usually includes dynamic excercises as well as some pranayama (breathing) and an element of meditation, often also accompanied by special type of music/mantras. While the effect of a certain yoga class is often a little vague in other yoga styles, all kriyas in Kundalini are aimed at a specific physical part of your body and usually have a metaphysical element as well.
Our instructor had given us a particular kriya as the homework but since I was in a place where I was very fragile and had a lot of insecurity and fear in my body, I decided to focus on a kriya that was called "releasing fear and relaxing" - it was fairly short - about 15-20 minutes all together. What helps with actually following through with your routine is finding a specific time of the day - while I used to do yoga in the mornings, I knew that I wasn't good at getting up early in the winter, so I decided to do the kriya in the evening, shortly before going to bed. Another trick is to start writing a 'yoga journal', scribbling down ideas and things that you encounter during your sessions. When you look back at your notes you see that every day was different, brought up different feelings and thoughts - some days the meditation felt really good and was easy to carry through and sometimes it was long and daunting.
Yet, I have to admit that the kriya that I chose really worked for me - slowly but surely the fears were subsiding and while there are still moments of doubt - the experience really strengthened me and especially my mind. I can only recommend trying it yourself - it need not be a full set of exercises, you could also start with a meditation, such as this one that Kundalinis recommend for the spring time.
Although I really want to pursue the path of becoming a teacher, at this point I have a feeling that I need to focus on my own practice and deepen it - not just in Kundalini terms but also in prenatal terms - I want to be able to come across as a credible resources for my students and need to be deeply rooted in my own practice. And I am glad to say that after some ups and downs over the past few months, I am ready to challenge myself with that task and dive more deeply into my own yoga development. I started a new kriya and in contrast to maybe a year ago, I really focus on the meditation and breathing part, fully appreciating the power of healing that those tools holds for me. So I'm happy to say, I've come a long way (which doesn't mean that I don't still have a long path ahead of me) and I probably needed to have some negative experiences to be able to feel this way now. Hopefully this is not just a sudden burst of energy that I have been feeling since the spring solstice but rather a longer period of expansion.
Sat Nam!
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