Spending the weekend with two friends from Eastern Europe, we got to talking about different table manners and I learned something pretty interesting: in Eastern Europe the rule was not to speak while eating, if a word is spoken it is usually something like 'can you pass me the salt' or 'can I have some more bread' but no real conversation is made until the meal is finished and either drinks or coffee is served. Now, this seems like a cultural thing at first but apparently it goes deeper than this and actually has its roots in firstly achieving efficiency for the workers in the factories, not spending too much time on their break but rather getting to business and secondly and I found this fascinating, it was also supposed to silence any conspirative talks over lunch which may lead to things such as questioning working conditions or even worse, living conditions.
So of course when Eastern Europeans come to the United States, it's pretty difficult to meet the Americans' expectations at the dinner table. When you have been taught to eat quietly and as quickly as possible, you have a hard time considering the meal a social outing and just chatting over your plate, putting your cutlery aside every once in a while just to make a point. I am only beginning to understand where quite a few of the misperceptions are coming from - eating that fast might be perceived as greedy and impolite here whereas it really would not be acceptable to stretch a dinner over as many hours in Eastern Europe. I was trying to localize Germany on the continuum and I think it is somewhere in the middle - while we do not get rushed and like to enjoy our meals, we certainly don't waste as much time talking as Americans.
Also, we have different expectations in terms of how to eat and do not accept the fork in the other hand (one thing I picked up when I was an exchange student in Oklahoma and something that has haunted me in Germany to the point that a former boss of mine told me that I needed to work on my table manners) or the hand in the lap while these are perfectly acceptable in the States. Someone told me you needed to have one hand on your colt in the wild west - not sure if that's an urban legend or actually true. Come to think of it - maybe the conspirative Russian factory workers are an urban legend too. Well, even if so - I bought it and really enjoyed thinking about the implications that these kinds of different upbringings may have...
So of course when Eastern Europeans come to the United States, it's pretty difficult to meet the Americans' expectations at the dinner table. When you have been taught to eat quietly and as quickly as possible, you have a hard time considering the meal a social outing and just chatting over your plate, putting your cutlery aside every once in a while just to make a point. I am only beginning to understand where quite a few of the misperceptions are coming from - eating that fast might be perceived as greedy and impolite here whereas it really would not be acceptable to stretch a dinner over as many hours in Eastern Europe. I was trying to localize Germany on the continuum and I think it is somewhere in the middle - while we do not get rushed and like to enjoy our meals, we certainly don't waste as much time talking as Americans.
Also, we have different expectations in terms of how to eat and do not accept the fork in the other hand (one thing I picked up when I was an exchange student in Oklahoma and something that has haunted me in Germany to the point that a former boss of mine told me that I needed to work on my table manners) or the hand in the lap while these are perfectly acceptable in the States. Someone told me you needed to have one hand on your colt in the wild west - not sure if that's an urban legend or actually true. Come to think of it - maybe the conspirative Russian factory workers are an urban legend too. Well, even if so - I bought it and really enjoyed thinking about the implications that these kinds of different upbringings may have...
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